Liar

 Liar 

By Alexandria


Somedays I’m a liar who don’t know myself at all

Somedays I’m a liar who wants to see myself fall

Somedays I’d take the prettiest of nothings

Over anything ever, ever, real

Somedays I dictate a boy’s opinions on

How to feel

 

Somedays I wanna stay in bed until 3 pm

Then I wanna cry and ask everyone else why

I’m hating who I am

Why I’m needing a little of nothing to

Feel alive

Why I’m stuck in the kiddie pool

Afraid to dive

 

And I don’t know, no I don’t know

When I decided I hate myself

And I’d rather be pleasing somebody else

Then ever, ever being myself

 

Somedays I’m a liar

Prepared to light myself on fire

For someone else

And I guess the chaos is a distraction

From the simple truth

I can’t stand myself

 

No I wouldn’t rather be anyone else

But I’d rather be a me too pretty

A me too mean

I’d rather be too smart or crazy

Rather stay in bed and be a little lazy

Then confront the emptiness and dichotomy

That I want someone to rescue myself

And yet I hate me

(And yet I hate me)

 

I’m at odds with how to love myself

I’ll ask God,

Some tarot cards

But little old me

I’ll disregard

 

Cause I’m on guard

And I’m giving my regards

To the scarred

And the starred

I’ll put my faith in

Everyone but me

Because why the hell would I ever wanna be

 

Somedays I’m a liar

who knows myself too well

Somedays I’m a liar

who don’t wanna confront her own hell

Somedays I’m a liar

Who can’t help but ever, ever rebel

From every, every wish and farewell

I think I love myself then

I’m stuck in all the unwells

 

How to rip my face apart

Without any, any tells

Then how to stitch myself up

And fill my own little

Cracked and broken,

Mended and golden

Broken and a little stolen

cup


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

X and O

 X and O we write our X’s and O’s in blood singing and then screeching a deadly tune we scream and howl at the moon like wild creatures and wilder banshees you chase me with a chain saw that’s how I know you are in it for the long hall I’m poised, ready, and a little petty Let me love you with my machete   We have our games My favorite is playing hide and seek I love when you show me a little of your freak Let me clean my knife off I got to find a way to get you off Apply a bit of pressure please darling hold still Maybe later you can drug me with my pills I wanna draw patterns and zig zags I wanna feel your breath as the metal drags Do I get to put you in a body bag?   Oh god the drag of the day I’m surrounded by all the mundane No one ever lets me out to play It’s all drones, robots, and zombies All I want is to focus on your body   Your breath your gasp Your groans your moans I want to make you fall apart I...
Read more

Stitches

  Stitches You can say I’m something of a creep I take little girls as dolls to keep I stitch their mouth so they can’t say a peep My name is Victim and I surround myself in sleep I consume myself in the cold numbness of nothing I’m nature and rot and I vomit quite a lot But I’m something sinless in all my rot Cause how do I sin without lips I talk to the blind with my heart and hips Sweet like sugar— cherry lips It’s easier to empty my entire head Then be a doll to be dead I’ll bleed it all from my head I’m the nightmare in your bed To devastate and demolish Cause I got a deadly kiss I’ll bring anyone to bliss I’ll break them all like this Then I’ll stitch their lips I’m vulgar and I’m vile I look like the Queen of the Nile In my head I’m rot and bile I keep my dolls broken in a pile Come close and stay awhile Stay in sleep, stay in the black My button eyes will have you hallucinating a heart attack I want to take a soul and pa...
Read more

August 09th, 2023

  August 09 th , 2023 My legs are silky smooth from the shaving cream I bought. I typically never splurge on nice shower products, but the nearly $700 to hit my bank account on Monday takes away any guilt or weirdness I’d feel for buying it. I have to be honest. I’m typically pretty broke. Making $17/h is new to me and it is changing the way I purchase food, beauty products, and the recreational activities I do. I take singing lessons now once a week, I go to the YMCA and attend their classes, and I am considering a kickboxing class to round it all out. I’m officially an adult with Adult Money. Today despite my developing work crush I did think of my ex. I think of him when a song plays which reminds me of him, or I see someone with dark curly hair, or something jabs at my brain and screams “MEMORY! CORE ROMANTIC MEMORY!” That’s an Inside Out joke for you. I feel like the little characters inside my brain dance happily, sigh, and cry over my ex too often for my comfort. It’s ha...
Read more